Little Moments.

This is an extrmely hard post to write, but yet, I feel like it is time to do so....so I will just start by saying that I am defintiely somebody who likes to believe in a greater power. That there is some form of existence after death and that those who pass on will communicate with you after their departure from this earth. (I am also somebody who believes in their daily horoscope, but that is an entirely different story). We had a dear family friend named Rolin who passed away in December of 2006. He was a larger than life person whom everybody loved. He loved to be over the top and would do just about anything for attention. One time, we were visiting Pike Place Market and he put a plastic bag on his head (his head was so big that it was like a very tight hat on his head) and walked around making weird noises and faces. It is a memory that will live with me forever. It was an extremely sad day and time when he passed and although he had been severely sick, his death was still unexpected as he went peacefully in his sleep. While on our way to taking our Mom to the airport for his funeral, a plastic bag wrapped itself around the antenna of the car, and rode with us the entire journey, only to dislodge itself as we neard the drop off terminal. Those of us in the car started laughing, and crying, sure that Rolin's spirit was with us that day knowing we were in pain and sadness, and it made us feel better, and took it as a total sign that he was with us in spirit.

Fast forward to the present. To my close friends and family it is no secret that my father is extremely ill, and is slowly losing the battle. It is also not a secret that we spent a great deal of my life apart from each other for a multitude of reasons. It hasnt been until the last five years or so that we have begun to heal old wounds and re-form our father-daughter relationship. And then, he got sick. It has been extremely hard to comprehend and understand how this could be happening. Why after so many years apart would I be losing him so young? Its so bewildering, confusing and emotionally upsetting. Denial has gotten me absolutely nowhere, and just caused more lost time. I realize that people lose loved ones everyday, but slowly preparing for the inevitable is a lot worse in some ways. I have been struggling more and more with this these past few weeks. I have been racked with guilt that I did not make it to see him over Father's Day weekend, and was finding myself in a dark spot. One day, I was on my way home from work, crying which had been triggered by a song I was listening to, when out of nowhere came a plastic bag flying around my car.In that moment I felt such a calmness and felt like I had my guardian angel there to protect me. To let me know that while things are going to be tough, I am not alone. I cannot tell you what an incredible moment that was for me.

Rolin's illness and death, in a lot of ways have helped me to prepare me for what I am going through with my own Dad. To think that I have to go through this all over again is extremely depressing, and yet out of the pain I have found comfort in the fact that Rolin never really left us. He may not be here pysically, but is is with us spiritually and lets us know every once in awhile. I can only hope and pray that the same will be for my own Dad.

Life certainly is not fair, and I may never understand why things have happened the way they have. But I do know that I love my Daddy and that he loves me, and I am certainly thankful for the time that we have been given together and for the memories that I hold so dear to my heart.

Just Keep Smiling

So much is happening in my life right now. Some of it is very good, some of it not so good, and some of it really really sad and painful. Trying to remember these lyrics and words of wisdom everyday :)

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through
for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile what’s the use of crying
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you’ll just
Smile

Randoms

• While I am beginning to go a little stir crazy and cleaned the entire bottom half of the house today, I am still procrastinating on cleaning my bedroom and putting away my clean clothes. I hate cleaning my room. and I hate laundry.
• My new favorite thing to add to Oatmeal Cookies? (Besides the chocolate chips) is grated orange peel...yummy!
• I dreamt of the PERFECT pair of brown boots last night. Now only, if I can just find them in reality...
• I am obsessed with chocolate covered raisins.
• I went 9ish days without having a diet coke, and when I had one, I got a horrible headache and found it didn't taste good. I think I have successfully broke my Diet Coke habit!
• It was delightful to open the sliding glass door and fill my glass with snow when making a margarita on the snow tonight. Much better than a margarita on ice :) [get it? hehe]
• same goes for my water.
• My new favorite show is Brad Meltzer's Decoded. {on the history channel} it is so. good. A team looks into stories of our past and present to figure out the truth behind them...extremely fascinating and I recommend you watch! :)
• I finally saw MoneyBall, and I absolutely loved it. [dont worry, I still loathe the A's].
• it has finally stopped snowing.

SNOW!!!!

I love snow. Although, I prefer it at Christmas time with my Christmas Candles and music and peppermint hot chocolate and lit up Christmas Tree. But beggars, cannot be choosers and snow in mid January is better than no snow at all.

I have always dreamed of a big snow, and we have had several big snows throughout my life, but none have seemed to hang around like snowpocalypse 2012 has. Take today...we are hovering around 12 hours of straight...snow....and really I love it.

Except for the layer of ice under today's snow, which has yesterday and the night before its snow under than, and another layer of ice under that. Its like a layered cake: ice, snow, ice, snow and probably before the night is over...more ice. It is a good thing I do not really have to be anywhere...and while I have not worked at all this week, at the end of the day, I am really okay with this.

I had my one fun day galavanting around in it, Chelsea and I walked up the hill to her parent's house where we slid down their driveway with a sled and snowboard (and I wound up in a bush) and attempted to make an igloo, which turned into half an igloo. Believe us, we are very proud of that half igloo. Who knew making an igloo was so time intensive?

So while it is a wee bit annoying, and I am beginning to go just a wee bit stir-crazy (I went on a rampage with the vacuum today...) I am quite enjoying the craziness that is snowpocalypse 2010!

Books, Books, Books.

Hi, my name is Meghan and I am addicted to buying books.

I literally go to Barnes and Noble for fun, and to roam the Bargain Priced Shelves to find good reads at discounted prices. The problem is, that it is rare for me to leave empty handed. I justify it with the discount I get from being a B&N member, and also that it will be gone the next time I go in. But its not just B&N. I was addicted to Borders too. I love used bookstores, you just NEVER know what kind of treasures you will find in them. The problem, is that I buy and buy, and will start a book, and then another...and another...and another. I probably have close to 12 books right now that I want to read.

It literally drives me insane, because I can never decide which book to read. When I finally pick a book, I can hardly concentrate on it because I am thinking about the others. Did I choose the right one? Is another one more exciting? more important? The other problem, is I love to re-read my beloved books (Harry Potter, Twilight, Chelsea Handler books, etc etc) therefore I will start a book or read parts of a book I already read, thus abandoning the book I started. Im getting nowhere.

I have resolved that what I need to do is to stack each and every book up, in a pile, and start from there. when the book is finished it will go back on the shelf and the new one will begin. I will read my NEW books, and when the pile is finished, then I may read my OLD books.

As for buying them, I will try to curve my addiction, but there are no promises :)

As for my "pile" here goes....

• Jack Kennedy Elusive Hero
• The Kennedy Men
• The Kennedys an American Drama
• The Fitzgeralds and the Kennedys
• Robert Kennedy
• The Secret Service
• Silent Night (Christmas Eve Truce during WWI)
• Bess W. Truman
• Talking to Heaven
• Final Gifts
• On Death and Dying

Hi, my name is Meghan, and Im not only addicted to just buying books, but to buying books on the Kennedys.... The first of the books was a Christmas gift, the rest were Used Bookstore treasure finds. Non the less, they still have to be read! :) The next two are books that I find interesting...and the last three are learning to deal with the inevitable...death. This topic and the reasoning for reading them however will be discussed in a later post.

I will keep my blog updated with the progress of the pile, and perhaps write a review or two...

2011 in Review

I can hardly believe yet another year has gone by. The older I get, the quicker the years go. Its insanity and almost hard to grasp. Here is the rundown of 2011 (or what I can remember of it...hah!)

Lets start with favorite things....

Favorite TV Shows: I watched ALOT (too much) of Reality TV...my newest and favorite addiction is Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I also fell IN LOVE with Glee and now can admit to being a Gleeaholic. Modern Family, Revenge, Once Upon A Time, and of course, Dancing With The Stars.

Favorite Music: Love Love Love Adele. I fell in love with the LOVE (The Beatles) soundtrack after seeing the show in Vegas, Katy Perry found her way (alot) onto my ipod as did Lady Gaga and of Course my ultimate favorite Taylor Swift. Also enjoyed a lot of OneRepublic, and a little RiRi and Nicki Minaj. Oh did I mention I'm a Gleeaholic? so lots and lots of Glee music.

Favorite Song: I have way more than one... Enchanted, Fearlesss, Sparks Fly, Haunted (T.Swift) ET, Set Fire to the Rain, Rolling in the Deep, Good Life.

Favorite Movie: Is there any competition? Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2. End. of. story.

Favorite Book: I read so many interesting books this past year...The Help stands out, as does Sarah's Key (both are must reads) Something Borrowed, Something Blue, and then of course the array of Kennedy books - Jackie Ethel, Joan, Sons of Camelot, Caroline Kennedy, The Kennedy Imprisonment, Mrs. Kennedy, Bobby and Jackie (which was pure crap in my opinion).

Moving on to Experiences....

Concerts: Taylor Swift in September. With incredibly amazing seats. Brittainy scored us row 6. It was an incredible experience. There were fireworks, there was a lot of sweat, and ALOT of screaming. We got snowed on, and confettied. (is that a word?!) anyway, confetti. was. everywhere. and it was glorious.

Shows: I was very lucky to get to see The Beatles LOVE in January. All I have to say was...WOW. It was absolutely incredible, and if you are in The Vegas, I highly recommend it. I also got to see Mary Poppins (my favorite childhood movie) with my Mom in the spring. Another amazing show. We also saw the Living Christmas Tree in December which is always a fun one to see. I love the live music and the message that goes along with it!

Vacations/Trips: I deemed 2011 the year of the Vegas, as I went three times. In January for my StepMom's 50th Birthday. Saw LOVE had steak dinner at STACK and got to visit with my sister and step-sisters and came home with some Vegas winnings! My second trip was for Father's Day which was an extremely relaxing trip, and third was to celebrate my 25th Birthday. It was my first time staying on the strip (NY NY). We went to the Palms to celebrate and schmoozed our way to free all access passes into the Ghost Bar, Moon, Rain, and somehow the VIP section of the Playboy Club (don't ask.) a really fun trip!

I also went to the Oregon Coast with the Allan Clan where we celebrated Josh's 21st Birthday at Lincoln Beach, and I learned the game of Farkle! In the summer, Mom and I went to Long Beach for a couple of days, where the wind tosseled our hair and we watched numerous people get their cars stuck in the sand, and had to be dug out quickly...especially with the tide rapidly coming in! We also made many trips to Camano Island where we had campfires, walked on the beach and just had fun girl time!

In December I finally made it to San Diego where we spent Christmas with Mel, and I got to see Uncle Bob and Aunt Patsy. Of course a trip to CA wouldn't be complete without a trip to Disneyland! It was our second Christmas Eve in Disneyland, and it was just a wonderful day!

People I met: When I worked for the Mariners I met all sorts of exciting famous people, not so much anymore. However, I did get to meet somebody famous this year that made me beyond excited. Caroline Kennedy. As most people know, I have this weird need to read and learn about the Kennedy family. I have written papers and read countless books and articles, and have an entire bookshelf shelve filled with just books about the family. So when I found out that Caroline would be at the bookstore down the street, I was beyond excited. It was thrilling to listen to her and of course eventually get to talk just a wee little bit to her. I think she is an incredibly brave and humble person, and it still seems surreal to me that I saw her in the flesh.

Miscellaneous....

The Royal Wedding...was my obsession. I was up at 2am watching the entire thing with a scone. I watched every documentary, every pre-wedding show I could before the big day arrived. I was so anxious to see Kate's dress, and squealed like a child when I saw it. she was breathtaking. It was so.much.fun to watch.

The Mariners....this was my first year that I can remember in, well, FOREVER, that I did not attend ONE SINGLE GAME. I was on a boycott. Granted, I have been spoiled with free tickets, but I refused to pay for a team who in my opinion, is doing nothing to better themselves. So far, the boycott is on for 2012 as well. (well maybe. I dont know if I can hold out another year...)

SeaFair.....holy moly. I had so much fun at SeaFair. Who doesn't love the Blue Angels?! or Hydro Races?! I made it out two of the four days, it is truly a unique experience that we in Washington are so lucky to get to have every year! If you live here, and havent experienced it...it should be on your list for this year!

The Good News Bears...was our Co-Ed summer softball team....and if I say so myself, we were pretty A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. We lost ONE game, and brought home the championship!!! It reminded me of how much I missed being a part of a team, AND how much I missed playing ball. I loved every minute, and cannot wait to get back out there again this year! :)

Gingerbread War...First of all I would like to preface this by saying, that normally, I do not brag...however! THREE YEAR champ RIGHT HERE. yes. My gingerbread houses have won the last three years, even when there were saboteurs amongst me. I'm very proud of my creations, and have to say....I couldn't do it without my amazing partners!

Feeding a Giraffe....yes you read that right. For I think about $5.oo I got to feed a Giraffe at the Zoo. It has a loooong gooey tongue. I also saw Dinosaurs. but the highlight was definitely the Giraffe.

Jobs, Jobs, Jobs...was Baby Ellie's nanny for most of the year. As you can read in my previous blog post, leaving was incredibly hard. Being Ellie's nanny was an amazing and rewarding experience and everytime I see her, I am reminded of the special bond that we have. I entered the corporate world for awhile, and just as I was getting acclamated, I experienced the effects of being the low man on the totem pole. For the first time, my hardwork and dedication were not rewarded. It was a really hard lesson and experience, and now I am living the life of a temp employee which really, isnt all that bad :) I'm back in the nanny arena as well, which I love.

In 2012.....

I have so many Goals, hopes, dreams and wishes for 2012...

Give up Diet Coke, and eventually Coffee...or really, the coffee creamer

Eat more naturally, and much much less if at all from boxes and cans

Slowly get back into the gym and build up my knee. I WISH, HOPE AND DREAM for NO MORE knee problems. Now that it has been rested for a couple of months, I am hoping that easing back in, and not going like mad (like I did last year) will keep it calm.

Spend more time with ALL of my family

Keep reading more, more, more (and maybe expanding my selection...)

Expand my music selection...

Figure out what I want to do with my life. (oh there are just so. many. things....) narrow it down, find a path and stick to it.

Explore the outdoors. (I really am a homebody, inside kinda girl)

Finish getting finances in order

Plan a trip to New York

Continue to live simply. Minding my P's and Q's, thinking before I speak, and truly think about how I want to be treated when dealing with others...

BLOG more...sharing experiences, feelings, and moments so that I have recollections of my life in the future :)

and finally......to be Fearless.