Baby Steps.

There are days where I miss my Dad to the moon and back and yearn for just one more conversation or email. Today was one of those. I was home sick, and actually had time to think about him, where usually I keep myself so busy, I don't have a moment to dwell. One email from him would have made me feel loads better. He would have loved a day like today where the Mariners creamed the Yankees, and I can only imagine what he would have said about it. As much as he loved the Yankees, he loved seeing the Mariners kill a powerhouse.Personally, I couldn't watch the game it was too painful knowing that post game email wouldn't be in my inbox. It's been difficult watching baseball this season, a love I have been passionate about since I was a young kid, and a love I know I inherited from my Dad. The only full game I have watched was the game I attended...Opening Day at Yankee Stadium. I think about my trip back east everyday, the trip where I took a piece of my Dad and spread him where I felt he would love to be....in Monument Park and a little bit on the warning track in Yankee Stadium. Prime Seating! Under a beautiful tree overlooking the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown. He would have loved the HOF. The trip allowed me to grieve and feel like I honored our dream. To see these places together. Tonight was only the second time since my Dad passed away where I have been able to search through my emails and read my Dad's words. The first, was when I was writing his eulogy and I took some of my favorite (and most appropriate, trust me, so many are completely inappropriate) quotes to share. As tough as it was, it made me feel closer to him and while the tears certainly fell freely, there was something healing and wonderful seeing his words again, and the reminder that he will always be with me. He certainly could make me laugh, and that will forever live on. I wanted to share some of my favorites. :I always get excited about pitchers and catchers reporting because it means baseball is on the way and I only have to tolerate the NBA a little longer. The NBA is lucky not everyone is like me or they would have no league at all. I wouldn't pay money to see any of them act like children and get paid for it. Too hip hop, too gangsta and too many tattoos for me. It reminds me of a pick up game at the park and it get worse every year. I was hoping for a strike so they wouldn't play at all this year. Yesterday might have been Groundhog Day but to me spring training is always the start of spring no matter what." [me sending him an email on the Mariners moving their fences in, and one of my last emails from him] "No, I had not seen that...Great idea! Now if we can get the visiting teams to pitch underhand to us we have a chance" "The Mariners are one of those franchises that should not be allowed to trade based on how many times they have screwed up the process" "I have no idea why fans up there pay to go to games at major league prices to see minor league players. Well enough ranting on the Ms, they are what they are." "By the way, our steroid argument was ok...I actually agree with you more than you think...I just felt like arguing with you." "If necessary the funeral for my laptop will be held in my backyard under the mesquite tree where I will lay it to rest after saying the appropriate words. None of the words will be worth repeating." "I want a bumper sticker that says "My child was Mariner employee of the month"." [on the Mickey Mantle book I gave him] "Also, I really liked the inscription you wrote. You are a terrific person and I love you very much. Take care of yourself. Love, Dad" I love you Dad. I miss you more than words can say, and am so thankful that we had a pretty solid email relationship so that I can look back at our conversations and smile forever.